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Coffee jokes ☕ in 2025

Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf?
– He likes the high grounds.

Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?
-Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

What do you call a baby calf that’s lost his head?
– De-calf

How does Moses make his coffee?
-He brews.

Drinking coffee may reduce the chances of getting Alzheimer’s.
-Never heard that one before

I want to create a petition to switch the names of Mango and Coffee.
-Because Coffee makes Man go

Why do skeletons never drink coffee?
-Because it goes right through them!

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
– I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

When my 5 year old son asked me what coffee tastes like; I said
-Unfortunately, not as good as it smells.” And he said, “Oh. Like shampoo.”

How are coffee beans like kids?
-They’re always getting grounded!

How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?
-The Bible clearly says “He-brews”

What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing?
– Stand your ground coffee.

What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)?
– They both suck without CREAM

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
-The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.

A man is arrested late at night for drinking coffee…
-He was charged for resisting a rest.

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
– I asked for coffee.

Who has the thickest coffee?
-App developers. They like their Java GUI..

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there
-you may be drinking too much coffee.

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