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Coffee jokes ☕ in 2025

There are two types of people in this world:
-People who love Starbucks and liars.

What’s that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?
-Everyone I ask can’t remember either.

The worst cases of the coronavirus are from coffee lovers.
– They couldn’t stop caffeine

A yawn is
– just a silent scream for coffee.

A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold’
-The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…
-I really need to wash some mugs.

What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
– Mugging!

How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
– You channel surf faster without the remote.

When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee?
-Before it is too latte

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,”
-The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”

How does Harvey Dent take his coffee?
-With half & half

Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?
-Because they have Italian titles for everything!

Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
-Because he was pressed for time.

How do they get coffee to the arctic?
-The Polar Espresso

How do you call it when you force someone to drink coffee?
-Manipulatte

How does a tech guy drink coffee?
– He installs Java!

How does the serial killer like his coffee?
-How he likes his women—all ground up.

Every time I drank coffee I would get this sharp pain in my eye
-… I’ve started taking the spoon out now.

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