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Coffee jokes ☕ in 2024

New word: Procaffeinating (n).
– the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.

An ISS astronaut says to his colleague, “I can’t find any milk for my coffee.”
– His friend replies, “In space no one can. Here, use cream.”

I like my coffee like how I like my slaves
-Free

How are coffee beans like kids?
-They’re always getting grounded!

What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
– Cream and Sugar.

Where do Russians buy their coffee?
-Tsarbucks

There are two types of people in this world:
-People who love Starbucks and liars.

What’s that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?
-Everyone I ask can’t remember either.

The worst cases of the coronavirus are from coffee lovers.
– They couldn’t stop caffeine

A yawn is
– just a silent scream for coffee.

A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold’
-The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…
-I really need to wash some mugs.

What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
– Mugging!

How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
– You channel surf faster without the remote.

When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee?
-Before it is too latte

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,”
-The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”

How does Harvey Dent take his coffee?
-With half & half

Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?
-Because they have Italian titles for everything!

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