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Clean jokes in 2025

What do you call a fly without wings?
-A walk.

What is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs?
-They say: Bologna?

Want to hear a roof joke?
-The first one’s on the house.

I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.
-But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Rest in peace to boiling water.
-You will be mist.

When is it time to go to the dentist?
-Tooth hurty (2:30)

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
-That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday.
-His face lit up when he opened it.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?
-Between you and me, something smells.

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.

What’s green, has six legs, and if it drops out of a tree onto you will kill you?
-A pool table.

Why did the picture go to prison?
-Because it was framed!

How does a farmer mend his overalls?
-With cabbage patches

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
-That’s just how I roll.

Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counsellor?
-It needed help figuring out its problems.

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
-The lettuce was “ahead” but the tomato was trying to “catch up.”

What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?
-Patty!

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
-He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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