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Chuck Norris jokes in 2024

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd,
-because no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver…
-and wins.

In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you,
– including the room itself.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch.
-He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close.
-It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death.
-He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris was exposed to the Coronavirus.
-The virus is now in quarantine for a month.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real,
-it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is

When Chuck Norris writes,
-he makes paper bleed.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.
-He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris never retreats;
-He just attacks in the opposite direction.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters.
-Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn’t try to survive.
-The zombies do.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win.
– Forever.

Chuck Norris invented airplanes
-because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup,
-he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris’s computer has no “backspace” button,
-Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes.

In the Beginning there was nothing …
-then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.

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