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Chuck Norris jokes in 2025

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County,
-but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

On the 7th day, God rested …
-Chuck Norris took over.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave ,
-because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean.
-Too many tsunamis.

Chuck Norris once walked away from a fight with two broken ribs and a dislocated arm.
-He hasn’t given them back yet…

Chuck Norris does not use spell check.
-If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful,
-it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe,
-he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack…
-even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd,
-because no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver…
-and wins.

In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you,
– including the room itself.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch.
-He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close.
-It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death.
-He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris was exposed to the Coronavirus.
-The virus is now in quarantine for a month.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real,
-it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is

When Chuck Norris writes,
-he makes paper bleed.

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