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Christmas jokes 🎄 in 2025

What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky?
– It looks like rain, deer.

What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
– Santa walking backwards!

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.

Why did the snowman want a divorce?
– Because his wife was a total flake.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
– A mince spy!

What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
– A snowball.

What nationality is Santa Claus?
– North Polish.

Why does Santa have elves in his workshop?
– Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!

What is Santa’s dogs name?
– Santa Paws!

How is Christmas exactly like your job?
– You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?
– A pineapple!

A book never written: How to Decorate a Tree, by Orna Ment.

I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.

Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
– He was searching for some holiday spirit.

What do you call an elf that can sing and dance?
– Elfis.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
– Do you smell carrots?

What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?
– Crisp Pringles.

Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best?
– Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.

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