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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2024

Why do “nice guys” suck at Chess
– They never protect the king, always the queen

Two beginners:
“I improved my English, Spanish, French, Russian and Italian.”
“Then you must be a genius!”
“Why?”
“You can speak so many languages…”
“I am talking about chess openings and not languages.”

I married a European chess master.
– He’s my Czech mate.

Two prisoners are talking in a Soviet gulag…
One says: “We’re really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match.”
The other one replies: “Oh, I lost.”

Me and the knight in chess have a lot in common
– Every time we move it results on an L

Haven’t played chess in a year
– Did they nerf the queen yet?

I like playing chess with bald people in the park
– The problem is, it’s kinda hard to find 32 of them

I had dinner with a chess master
– IT TOOK HIM FOUR HOURS TO PASS THE FRICKING SALT

Why do British people love playing chess?
– Coz no-one can kill their Queen.

Why is it so confusing to play chess with an Australian?
– Because every “check” is a “check, mate!”

How do Australians know who won the chess game?
– They check, mate.

What do Australians in a restaurant and chess players have in common?
– “Check mate”

The Chess Grand Master was embarrassed when they found out he used to play a much simpler game…
…that’s right, he had a “checkered past.”

“My wife said, she will leave me, when I take part in this chess tournament next week.”
“So what will you do?”
“1.e4, like always!”

When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
– Classic rook-y mistake.

You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.
– Everytime he checks, you’ll think he’s won the game.

What’s Bin Laden’s favorite chess opening?
– Pwn to C4

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?
– Because he is dead.

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