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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2025

Chess is banned under Islam
– They hate that the queen moves freely.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder
– I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

“So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov – Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!”

I make conversation like I play chess….
– Plan 3 moves ahead then freak out when the other person doesn’t do what I planned for.

What do you play 4D chess on?
– A chesseract!

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
– “Because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

I taught my dog to play chess.
– But he’s pretty dumb. I manage to beat him two out of three times

Today I played chess with some old men in the park.
– It was hard to round up 32 of them.

My computer beat me at chess…
– So I beat my computer at kickboxing.

Why do Australian chess matches never last long?
– As soon as one player attacks the other’s king, it’s check, mate

Why did the chess master throw up on the boat?
– He got c6.

In the chess club:
“I am Black.” “I know.”

What do you call your friend from Prague who beat you at chess?
– Your Czech mate

Two men are playing chess in Australia
One guy asks “What’s your ethnicity?”
As he knocks over the king, the other guy responds “Czech, mate”

Why does the queen have much more mobility than the king in chess?
– Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

My life is a lot like chess.
– I’m really bad at it.

Which group of women are the best chess players?
– Feminists. Their opponents begin with King and Queen, but ‘they’ always start with 2 Queens.

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