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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2025

Chess is banned under Islam
– They hate that the queen moves freely.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder
– I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

A car accident:
First driver leaves his car shouting: “It is your fault, you took the wrong way.”
“There is only one right way! Ne4!”

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.
They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
”But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
”Because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were
– It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Why are british people good at chess?
– Because their queen can’t die.

A man in the gulag
He heard about the world chess championship match ended recently, but no one there knows the result. When a load of new prisoners arrived, he asked one of them:
– Do you know the result of the world champion match?
– Yes, I lost

What do you call two chess enthusiasts bragging in a lobby?
– Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.
– It’s just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally?
– Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.

Life is like a game of chess
– I don’t know how to play chess

I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky.
– I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.

How come Americans never play chess?
– Because they are missing two towers

What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common?
– They both end with a check mate

Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?
– Because it’s on F1.

Why is it generally a bad idea to marry chess pieces?
– Well many would think of it as a Rook-ie mistake

Two chess players are immersed in a game of chess:
Suddenly one of them makes a move and shouts: “Check!”
The other: “Shut up, Idiot!”

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