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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2025

Chess is banned under Islam
– They hate that the queen moves freely.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder
– I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Queen.

Queen who?

Queen your room, it’s a mess.

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.
– But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He’s learning how to play chess.
After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.
Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn’t understand the knight, though.
Two in one direction, then one to the side.
Hm, funny how the knight moves.

I defeated a chess grand master in three moves.
– I stood up; picked up a chair and hit him with it.

How do chess players stay in shape?
– They lift rooks.

In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say:
“What a clever dog!”
But the man protests:
“No, no, he isn’t that clever. I’m leading three games to one!”

Life is a lot like chess
You’ve always got to be thinking two steps ahead.
And most people want to be white.

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently…
…I’m on the knight shift next week.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves …
– Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.

After the chess tournament in Australia was over, the champion still walked away empty-handed.
When the judges went to hand him the prize, they said “Here’s your check, mate.”

What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal?
– Check, mate

The first time I played chess, I thought the castles moved diagonally.
– Rookie mistake.

Chess players say checkers players are dumb. But I like checkers…
Plus the red ones taste good.
Cr

What does an Australian chess player say when they go to a restaurant?
– Check, mate

A chess master died – after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
“What’s it like, where you are now,” he asked.
“What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, it’s really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they’re all here, and you can play them.”
“Fantastic!” the friend said, “and what is the bad news?”
“You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday.”

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