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Carrot jokes 🥕 in 2025

What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
– It’s been nice gnawing you.

I caught my sister masturbating with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later…
– And now it’s gonna taste like carrot….

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” – Newton’s Law
“Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad.” – Cole’s Law

A bully, a baby, and a carrot walk into a bar.
– The bartender says, “What’ll you have, Mr. Boehner?”

What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot?
– A transplant.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
– A carrot.

What vegetable are all others afraid of?
– a scarrot.

I was going to tell some rabbit jokes
– But people tend not to carrot all about them.

I called the police to remove some carrots from my fridge…
– They were disturbing the peas.

What’s a vegetable’s favourite casino game?
– Baccarrot!

Carrots may improve your vision,
– But alcohol doubles it.

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician’s order.
“I’d like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please,” he requests.
– “Why sir!” Exclaimed the waiter. “That’s an order of magnitude!”

A man goes to his doctor because he has a carrot in his ear..
He asks the doctor, “I don’t understand, how can this happen? What’s wrong with me?!” The doctor pauses for a moment and then says, “Well, you’re not eating right.”

My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes.
– He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.

Why did the carrot get an award?
– Because he was out standing in his field

Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, “I’m so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there..”
The second woman chimes in and says, “yes, well I’m so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there..”
– The Third woman slides down the bar stool

A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
– The doctor said, “I can tell right away that you haven’t been eating properly.”

What does the Carrot priest say at church?
– “Lettuce Pray”

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