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Candy jokes 🍭🍬🍫 in 2025

What kind of candy is never on time?
– ChocoLATE

What’s an astronauts favorite candy?
– A Milky Way!

I once killed six zombies and nine vampires
– I still wonder why they were carrying bags of candy….

What’s a girl with a foot fetish’s favorite candy?
– Mentos

What’s a dentist’s worst nightmare?
– A lion that loves candy.

What’s the best part of Valentine’s Day?
– The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Why doesn’t God like candy bars?
– Because he doesn’t exist!

I ate some rainbow candy that I was a little concerned about;
– I’m okay now; it passed with flying colors

Have you tried the new Donald Trump Candy Bar?
– It’s incredibly rich but has no taste!

What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate?
– A Candy Baa.

Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
– It could be a lifesaver.

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. “Clearly me,” she says, “For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn’t moved an inch”
– “That’s nothing!” I retorted. “All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it.”

When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hotdogs and my favorite candy. You can’t do that these days…
– Too many damned security cameras

What do you call the Swiss president’s airplane?
– Tobler One.

What kind of candy won’t a ghost touch?
– Life Savers.

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

I miss Halloween
– I can no longer take free candy from creepy strangers.

I tried to steal candy from a baby.
– He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.

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