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Candy jokes 🍭🍬🍫 in 2025

I was out driving on Halloween and I hit a cat, I think it was dressed like a cat. It could have been a piñata for all I know because there was candy everywhere.

Somebody sprayed free candy on my van.
– The joke is on them, i have no candy.

What happened to the man who only ate Skittles?
– He farted rainbows.

What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?
– A sad candy cane!

A diet-conscious person couldn’t Reese-ist the candy which she had seen in the candy shop.

Why do Scandinavian kids visit candy stores the most?
– Because it’s really Sweden there.

Whenever I give my seat on the bus to an elderly person, they’re as happy as a kid in a candy store…
– I do the same in the men’s bathroom and they hobble away as fast as they can.

Why did the Skittles go to school?
– They wanted to become Smarties!

Joel Osteen is coming out with his own brand of candy bars.
– They’re called Charlatan Chew.

What do you call a priest in a candy shop?
– A scout

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
– A chocolate baa

What is an astronauts favorite chocolate?
– A marsbar!

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”
– One of the thousands of missing children

I remember when you could walk into a store with a quarter and walk out with a can of coke and a candy bar.
– nowadays they have cameras everywhere

Apparently you have to pay extra for candy these days
– They call it the Tic Tax

What type of candy is never on time?
– choco-LATE

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
– She kept throwing away the W’s.

The principal praised the candy teachers for bean there for students during difficulties.

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