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Calculus Jokes ➗ in 2025

Got pulled over while doing calculus in my car last night
-Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

A 120-pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?
-Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

I knew calculus would kill me some day
-… I should have seen the warning sines.

What’s long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
-Calculus homework.

Two calculus professors are sitting in a bar.
– One says: “I am so disappointed in people nowadays. Hardly anyone understands calculus properly.”

Calculus has a steep learning curve…
– But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

What do you call a group of 8th grade boys arguing about calculus?
-Math debaters

My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework…
-… Apparently, I shouldn’t drink and derive.

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don’t sit in between two identical twins.
-It’s very hard to differentiate between them.

Why did Newton invent calculus?
-He wanted to test his limits.

What math is discussed between sea gulls?
-Integral Calculus (Inter-gull Calculus).

Why don’t calculus teachers go to bars?
-Because they don’t want to drink and derive.

Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s?
-They didn’t believe in integration.

Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
-He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.

My calculus professor was late 16 minutes for his first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes for the third.
-At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

Why did the calculus teacher lose his license.
– Drinking and deriving

What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can’t figure out a proof?
-He gets stumped.

Never trust calculus teachers who use graph paper.

-They’re definitely plotting something.

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