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Calculus Jokes ➗ in 2025

When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.
– He remembered to add the sea.

My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather…
-…he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

I hate calculus…
-I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950’s.
-Apparently they opposed integration.

How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
-“I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…”

I had a really good discussion with my calculus professor today
-but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

Why are the southern states so bad at calculus?
-Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he’s writing.
-Calculus replies, “Oh this… I’m just working on a new formula…”

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” says the barman, “I can’t let you drink and derive”.

Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student’s calculator away?
-He was viewing graphic material

Why aren’t there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?
-Because everyone there hates integration.

Ever since I failed Calculus I can’t go into the woods
-There’s too many natural logs for my liking

I didn’t fail my calculus test….
– I just gave “alternative” answers on a few problems.

Why did the calculus students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?
– They were investigating projectile lotion.

You can’t solve every problem with calculus
– It has its limits

As an IT student who failed calculus twice….
-… to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic…
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it’s lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:

-“What am I being stopped for?”

The cop answers:

“Drinking and deriving.”

What do you call recycled calculus jokes?
– Derivative humor.

A group of people were hospitalised after a calculus midterm.
-The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

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