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Calculus Jokes ➗ in 2025

Don’t date a calculus teacher
– They’re gonna replace u

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I got arrested for doing calculus drunk.
-The officer told me to never drink and derive.

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Why are pirates the best at calculus?
-Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

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In high school math class …
-I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the “designated deriver”.

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My Calculus teacher told me:”Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead.”
– I replied:”Is that why you’re teaching Calculus?”

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What is it called when Fergy argues with his calculus teacher?
-Plus C vs. Ferguson

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Someone told me they didn’t like calculus
-I told them their opinion would change over time.

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A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later…
-Apparently he was drinking and deriving

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Two mathematicians walk into a bar…
and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: “I’ll give you $5 is you answer “one-third x cubed” to the next question I ask you, ok?”
-The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician returns to his table, he tells his colleague: “I bet you $100 that our server can answer a simple calculus problem.” He then proceeds to flag down the server and asks her, “What is the indefinite integral of x squared?”
She responds, “one-third x cubed.” The man then proceeds to collect his money, only to be interrupted by the server saying “plus a constant.”

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Man I really hate calculus.
-It just derives me crazy

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Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?
-He refused to integrate.

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I failed math so many times in school
-I can’t even count simple calculus

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Our school should start a calculus club
-We would all derive fun from it

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What did the calculator say to the calculus student?
-You can count on me.

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A calculus joke:
-A 120 pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

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A calculus joke…
– Person 1: What’s the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

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Why is a calculus book always unhappy?
-Because it always has lots of problems.

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How does Donald Trump do calculus integration?
-He makes sure to grab it by the +c

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