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Calculus Jokes ➗ in 2025

Don’t date a calculus teacher
– They’re gonna replace u

I got arrested for doing calculus drunk.
-The officer told me to never drink and derive.

Someone told me they didn’t like calculus
-I told them their opinion would change over time.

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later…
-Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Two mathematicians walk into a bar…
and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: “I’ll give you $5 is you answer “one-third x cubed” to the next question I ask you, ok?”
-The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician returns to his table, he tells his colleague: “I bet you $100 that our server can answer a simple calculus problem.” He then proceeds to flag down the server and asks her, “What is the indefinite integral of x squared?”
She responds, “one-third x cubed.” The man then proceeds to collect his money, only to be interrupted by the server saying “plus a constant.”

Why are pirates the best at calculus?
-Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

In high school math class …
-I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the “designated deriver”.

My Calculus teacher told me:”Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead.”
– I replied:”Is that why you’re teaching Calculus?”

What is it called when Fergy argues with his calculus teacher?
-Plus C vs. Ferguson

A man brags before his friend : “I’m very fast at calculus !”
-So his friend, curious now, asks :

– 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

– 6.

– But… that’s wrong!

– Yep. But it’s fast!

I’ll do algebra. I’ll do trigonometry. I’ll even do calculus!
– But graphing is simply where I draw the line.

[Calculus Joke] Why didn’t the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach?
-Because secant tan

dolphins doing calculus be like
-(eᴱ)’ = Eeᴱ

They said calculus would be integral to my education
-I found it a little derivative.

What do you call a recycled calculus pun?
-Derivative humor.

Someone released a set of supplementary notes on a textbook about differential calculus.
-It was a derivative work.

A student calls his college to enrol in a calculus course…
A student calls his college and says “I want to take calculus, but the system won’t let me enrol”. The woman on the other line looks at his record and says: “it looks like you’re already taking a full course load! don’t you know what the limit is?”, to which he replies:
-“That’s what I’m trying to find!”

Why is the south bad at calculus?
-They don’t know how to integrate.

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