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Calculus Jokes ➗ in 2025

Don’t date a calculus teacher
– They’re gonna replace u

I got arrested for doing calculus drunk.
-The officer told me to never drink and derive.

What is it called when Fergy argues with his calculus teacher?
-Plus C vs. Ferguson

Someone told me they didn’t like calculus
-I told them their opinion would change over time.

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later…
-Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Two mathematicians walk into a bar…
and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: “I’ll give you $5 is you answer “one-third x cubed” to the next question I ask you, ok?”
-The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician returns to his table, he tells his colleague: “I bet you $100 that our server can answer a simple calculus problem.” He then proceeds to flag down the server and asks her, “What is the indefinite integral of x squared?”
She responds, “one-third x cubed.” The man then proceeds to collect his money, only to be interrupted by the server saying “plus a constant.”

Why are pirates the best at calculus?
-Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

In high school math class …
-I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the “designated deriver”.

My Calculus teacher told me:”Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead.”
– I replied:”Is that why you’re teaching Calculus?”

You can’t solve every problem with calculus
– It has its limits

As an IT student who failed calculus twice….
-… to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic…
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it’s lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:

-“What am I being stopped for?”

The cop answers:

“Drinking and deriving.”

What do you call recycled calculus jokes?
– Derivative humor.

A group of people were hospitalised after a calculus midterm.
-The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

Why is the south bad at calculus?
– They don’t know how to integrate.

Why do rednecks fail calculus?
-Because they are really bad at integrating.

I was sitting in calculus class, and the teacher asked us how we can ideally take the derivative of a logarithm…
-I said,” I like my logarithms like my women, all natural”.

Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
– Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun.

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