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Cactus jokes 🌵🌵 in 2025

I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

I dropped my cactus the other day. The worst part?
– I caught it

What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?
– A cactus.

What do you call it when a whole bunch of cactus fall over?
– A cac-tas-trophy.

Two cactus best friends participated in a school play and played the role of Batman and Robin. Everyone said they made a prickly pear.

The cactus decided to take up acupuncture as a profession. It wasn’t the most prick-tical choice, but he made it work.

Someone is bitchy like a cactus, but that’s the way I like it, and you know who it is.

I’m getting up to scratch.

The little cactus was feeling sad one day. So to cheer her up her mother said, “What do you have to worry about? You’re a suc-cute-lent.”

The cactus couple love their new apartment. They’re happy occuplants.

What do you call a cactus on a plane?
A cactus — it doesn’t matter where it is, it’s still a cactus!

What did the cactus say when he was robbing the bank?
– Stick ’em up.

There was a man who kept calling his wife Cactus every time he saw her, when actually her name was Vera. He said it was quicker than saying, “‘Allo Vera!” every time.

The cactus forgot his way back home when he decided to go on a solo adventure. He was in quite a prickle.

Disappointed by my family tree. Turns out it’s a cactus. There’s a prick on every branch.

I dropped my cactus the other day. The worst part?
– I caught it

“Gary, you need to be less selfish. Remember, it’s cact-us.”
– “Actually, sweetie, the plural is cact-I.”

What did the boy cactus say to the girl cactus?
– You prickle my fancy.

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