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Cactus jokes 🌵🌵 in 2025

If you bump into a person, you should say, “Excuse me.” But what should you say if you bump into a cactus?
– “Ouch!”

Whenever an Australian succulent meets any new plant, It says to them, “Aloe there, mate.”

A cactus came running to his friend to tell him that he saw someone try to steal the tub they liked. He said, “I saw him take it away. Before my very cacti.”

Why don’t you hug a cactus?
– I’m not into the cactus kinky stuff.

I ate a cactus today…
– It had a sharp taste.

Cactus puns get to the point.

Two rival cacti got chosen in the same team at school. They were fighting a lot, so one of them said to the other, “We have to get along because you’re stuck with me.”

A cactus can survive for a while without any water. So they have plant-y of life in them even if it doesn’t rain for quite some time in the desert.

Another year has gone by, but you’re still as sharp as a cactus. Maybe aliens have kidnapped you and turned you into a cactus.

What did one cactus say to the fancy cactus?
– You’re looking sharp!

I never really understood cacti, even when they taught us about it at school. I never really got the point of it.

The favorite song of every cactus is, ‘Can’t Touch This.’

The newlywed cactus couple were on their honeymoon. The wife cactus told her husband: “I’m so glad that we pricked each other.” If you think that this is funny, you’ll enjoy these funny marriage jokes.

What do you call it when a whole bunch of cactus fall over?
– A cac-tas-trophy.

What’s the one job you shouldn’t give a cactus at your birthday party if he asks how he can help?
– Blowing up the balloons!

I hope your birthday is on point.

I can be a little prickly.

The newlywed cactus couple were on their honeymoon. The wife cactus told her husband, “I’m so glad that we pricked each other.”

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