Bike jokes 🚲 in 2025

Border Crossing
A young man comes up to the border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The border guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answers the young man. The guard is a bit skeptical and asks the young man to turn over the bags for inspection. The guard empties the bags, but finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the young man overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The young man is released and promptly rides across the border with his sandbags.

A week later, the same young man presents himself at the border. The guard asks, “What have you got?” “Sand,” says the young man. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the young man who then rides across the border on his bicycle with the sandbags.

This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years. Finally, the young man no longer appears at the border crossing. Many months go by and the border guard sees the young man in a cafe.

“Hey,” says the guard, “For three years you were smuggling something through my crossing station. It’s driving me crazy. Just between you and me, what were you smuggling?”

The young man sips his coffee and says, “Bicycles.”

What is the difference between a biker and Santa Claus?
– Santa has the red light.

Where do you go to learn about the joys of riding a bike?
– The Wheel Store.

What do you get when you cross a bicycle with an umbrella?
– A bi-cycle!

As well as exercise equipment, Christie Brinkley is now doing advertising for a bicycle parts company.
– She’s their new spokes model.

I sold my Porsche Macan and my BMW 330i today. I kept my bicycle.
– I don’t want to get the Car Owner virus.

As I write this I’m trying to assemble bicycle wheels using quite a complex process.
– Damn, I spoke too soon.

The cycling community is a common source of material for jokes, due to the fact that many people are familiar with it.

Why was the bike thrown off the bridge?
– Because it didn’t have any pontoons.

When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

You can’t seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don’t have any problems at all meeting your mates at 6:30 AM for a hundred-miler.

I saw a toddler with a tiny Edam strapped to his bike. Must have been his baby bell.

What do you call a cyclist who just avoids obstacles instead of going around them?
– A pessimist.

How do bikers stop signs?
– They rip them out of the ground.

Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own??
– Because it’s two tired

Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
– The short answer is technically speaking it can stand on its own but it is very unstable. In order to keep something standing you need the center of gravity of the object to be within its points of contact with the ground. With only 2 points of contact with the ground, that space is a very small plane. You would need it perfectly positioned with no other forces acting on it. The tiniest disturbance could knock it over (and will).

Not because it was two tired

My wife’s dog got to where it wouldn’t listen to her.
So she took it to the vet. The vet said no wonder it won’t listen I’ve never seen that much hair in a dogs ears. He clipped some out and said goto the pharmacy and buy a bottle of nair hair remover.

Put a little on a qtip and rub back in there and that’ll take care of the problem.

So she went and seen the pharmacist standing and asked for a bottle of nair he said I got a bottle right here but whenever you put this in your legs don’t wear any hose for 3 days. She said I’m not putting in on my legs.

He said well when you put this under your arms don’t wear any deodorant for 3 days. She said I’m not putting it under my arms.

He asked well where you putting it. She said on my schnauzer.

He said well don’t ride a bicycle for 3 days.

What do cyclists and gorillas have in common?
– They both like to ride in packs.