Bike jokes 🚲 in 2025

What’s another word for “tandem”?
– Steering wheel.

Did you hear about that biker who broke both arms?
– He fell off his bike.

Where do paranoid schizophrenics ride their bicycles?
– On the psychopath.

My dad works for a company that makes bicycle wheels….
– He’s the spokesman.

Jonny’s grandad gives him a new bicycle for his birthday.
“This is a very special, highly advanced bicycle. It can do things no other bike can do. But you must take it out for a ride at least every 7 days, or it will injure you”, says his granddad.

Jonny puts the bicycle in his shed and forgets about it for a week. Then one day, Jonny goes to the shed to take the bike out for a ride. But as he’s about to pick it up, the bike jumps on Jonny and beats him up.

“Why did you do that?” Jonny asks the bicycle.
“Because you haven’t taken me out to ride in 7 days” it replies.

“But that’s why i’m here, to take you for a ride”

So Jonny goes to pick up the bike, and again it jumps on him and beats him up.

“What the hell?” says Jonny, “Why’d you beat me up again?”

“Because you haven’t taken me out to ride in 7 days” replies the bicycle.

“But that’s what I’m about to do – take you out for a ride,” says Jonny.

So again, Jonny goes to pick up the bike, and again, the bike jumps on him and beats him up.

“What the hell man, why’d you keep doing that?” asks Jonny.

“Because you haven’t taken me out to ride in 7 days”, replies the bike.

It’s a vicious cycle.

What’s a bike?
– A big metal frame with really strong rubber bands wrapped around it.

Beware of bike lanes in Austin

You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”

You take your bike along when you shop for a car – just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.

A friend of mine works for a company that makes bikes. He’s their spokesman.

Why is the bike in someone’s garage-like their old girlfriend?
– Because they still miss her.

“I want to go biking!” “Well let’s bing a few minutes first.”

A pastor discovered his bicycle had been stolen
He decided to use it as inspiration for that week’s sermon, and began writing on the Ten Commandments, especially “thou shalt not steal”
– Then he got to “thou shalt not commit adultery” and remembered where he left his bike.

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it’s a good thing I did…
…’cause I fell 7 times on the way home…

Two best friends went to heaven.
At the pearly gates a saint stopped them and asked, ‘Were you faithful husbands on Earth?’

The first replied, ‘Yes, I’ve never betrayed my wife, I barely even looked at other women.’

The saint replied, ‘Very good, very good. You can drive this brand new sports car! Here, take the keys!’

Then the saint turned to the second man and asked, ‘Were you a faithful husband, too?’

‘Well, to be honest, I did cheat on my wife many times. I never came clean… and my wife hated me.’

‘Well, that’s not very good, however, you were a good man besides that. You can drive around this old, used Dodge.’

A few days later, the two best friends met, but the first had tears in his eyes and seemed heart-broken.

‘Hey, my friend, why are you crying?’

‘I saw my wife today.’

‘But that’s great! Did you say hello?’

‘No, that’s my problem,’ he said bitterly, ‘I couldn’t follow her onto the bicycle path with my sports car.’

Why did the cyclist stop at the red light?
– So he could read his Kindle.

What did the bicycle say to the tricycle?
– You can’t keep up with me!