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Bike jokes 🚲 in 2025

A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.
He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.

The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand.

He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack.
Two days later, the same thing happens. And then it happens again, two days after that. Every time, that guy is on the bike carrying nothing but sand.

This goes on for seven years. It drives the border guard crazy. He loses his job because of it.

One day, he tracks the Mexican guy down and says to him, “I’m no longer a border guard, but I gotta know- what is it that you’re smuggling? Because I know you’re smuggling something.”

The bicycle guy smiles at him and says, “Bicycles, sucker.”

What was the bicycle that wondered how it was like being a motorcycle called?
– Bike-curious.

I saw a chap painting pictures of bikes on a local church roof. Cycleangelo.

What kind of bikes do dogs like most?
– Dog-cycles.

An avid cyclist was asked, “Are you biking?”
– He replied “Yes, I am. Do you need any help?”

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

What’s the difference between a brown bear on a bicycle and a black bear on a bicycle?
– Bearly much, they’re bicycly the same.

How many cyclists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
– Just one, but the world revolves around him.

What’s another word for “tandem”?
– Steering wheel.

Did you hear about that biker who broke both arms?
– He fell off his bike.

Where do paranoid schizophrenics ride their bicycles?
– On the psychopath.

My dad works for a company that makes bicycle wheels….
– He’s the spokesman.

Jonny’s grandad gives him a new bicycle for his birthday.
“This is a very special, highly advanced bicycle. It can do things no other bike can do. But you must take it out for a ride at least every 7 days, or it will injure you”, says his granddad.

Jonny puts the bicycle in his shed and forgets about it for a week. Then one day, Jonny goes to the shed to take the bike out for a ride. But as he’s about to pick it up, the bike jumps on Jonny and beats him up.

“Why did you do that?” Jonny asks the bicycle.
“Because you haven’t taken me out to ride in 7 days” it replies.

“But that’s why i’m here, to take you for a ride”

So Jonny goes to pick up the bike, and again it jumps on him and beats him up.

“What the hell?” says Jonny, “Why’d you beat me up again?”

“Because you haven’t taken me out to ride in 7 days” replies the bicycle.

“But that’s what I’m about to do – take you out for a ride,” says Jonny.

So again, Jonny goes to pick up the bike, and again, the bike jumps on him and beats him up.

“What the hell man, why’d you keep doing that?” asks Jonny.

“Because you haven’t taken me out to ride in 7 days”, replies the bike.

It’s a vicious cycle.

What’s a bike?
– A big metal frame with really strong rubber bands wrapped around it.

Beware of bike lanes in Austin

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