Bike jokes 🚲 in 2025

I need a new bicycle chain.
– Can anyone give me any links?

A guy parks his bicycle outside the US capitol…
security comes to him and says “you can’t park your bike here. Don’t you know that Congressmen, Senators, Speaker, Vice President, foreign dignitaries, and the President come here often?”
– the guy says “oh don’t worry, I’ve chained my bike!”

Guy crosses the border on a bicycle with two bags over his shoulder
The guard stops him and asks:
“What’s in the bags?”
“Nothing but sand sir”
So he examines the bags and indeed nothing but sand.
“Ok you’re clear move on”
Two weeks later, same thing.
So this guy goes on for months, every two weeks same bags, same sand and they find nothing and it drives them nuts.
So finally one day one of the guards can’t take it anymore and follows the guy. So he sees him sitting at a cafe with his two bags of sand. He steps up to him and says:
“Listen buddy you got us crazy down at the office. Please tell me what you’re smuggling, I know it must be something. I swear I won’t tell!”
So the guy takes a sip from his drink, lifts his head up and looks at him and says: ” bicycles.”

You buy a people-carrier and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.

What’s the most efficient way to get to work?
– Stand up!

Have- Ever heard about bicycle kickstands?

Why did the bicycle go to the psychiatrist?
– It had cycle logical problems

Two prawns, named Christian and Terry are off on their morning swim.
Soon they discover a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wish for saving me.”

Christian thinks and says, “I wish to be attractive to lady prawns.” Cod grants his wish.

Terry thinks and says, “I’m tired of being the bottom of the food chain. Make me into a dangerous predator.”

So Cod turns Terry into a shark and swims away. Of course, Christian is terrified, swims under a pile of rocks and refuses to come out, no matter what Terry says.

Distraught, Terry seeks out the magic codfish once again. As he swims, most fish flee at the sight of him, or keep pace just behind his fins.

Finally he finds the codfish, this time stuck in a bicycle wheel. Terry frees him and wishes to go back to how he was. Then, wish granted, he happily swims back home to his friend, still under the pile of rocks.

“I have wonderful news,” says Terry. “My journey has been long and arduous, but I’ve found Cod, and I’m a prawn again, Christian!”

A newlywed couple goes on a honeymoon to the Middle East.
While there they got into a huge argument about the best mode of transportation; unicycle versus bicycles. The argument was so large they decided to divorce.
Cause of divorce:
Iraq and cyclable differences

I took my new bike back to the shop and said the pedals didn’t work. Chap asked why I thought it was called a push bike.

What type of cyclist has the best chance at getting hit by a car?
– A pretty girl!

A bike can’t stand itself. It gets too tired.

You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys).

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

Two nuns riding bicycles on tiny back roads in Vatican City…
One old and one young, they pedal down the tiny side streets admiring the scenery. The young nun sighs and says, “Wow, I’ve never come this way before.”

The other nun goes, “Ah, yes, my dear. It’s the cobblestones.”

What’s the best way to make a cyclist go faster?
– Throw him in front of a car.

Why was the bicycle such a bad singer?
– Because he couldn’t keep his wheels from spinning.