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Beer Jokes 🍺 in 2025

This one is puntastic!
-I’d tap that.

A guy walks into a bar on Valentine’s Day and orders a beer.
-A guy walks into a bar on Valentine’s Day and orders a beer. “I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine’s Day. She said a divorce,” the guy tells the bartender. “Oh, no. What did you do?” the bartender asks. “I just told her I hadn’t planned on spending that much,” the guy replies.

Wife crashed the car again today. She told the police the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer.
-Police said he can do what he likes in his own living room.

Stop trying to make everyone happy.
– You’re not beer.

What kind of beer do Canadians get when they head towards the bathroom.
-IPA

A Roman walks into a bar
-He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”

For those “I hate everyone” days.
-Wish you were beer.

Apparently, drinking a pint of beer shortens your lifespan by nine minutes.
-According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.

Why do frogs taste similar to beer?
-Because of the hops.

What is the definition of a balanced diet?
-A beer in each hand.

A great joke about the vitalness of beer
-Vitamin B? You mean beer?

I don’t have a beer gut.
-I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs

Every time I have a beer, my wife keeps nagging me and telling me I drink too much
-I mean come on, who needs to hear that nine times a day?

In heaven there is no beer,
-which is why we drink it here.

A man walks in a bar and shouts “free beers outside!” So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
-The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man “what the hell did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!”
The man says “Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them”

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat
-Fortunately it was light beer.

A hilarious pun about beer quantity.
-Take a pitcher. It’ll last longer.

What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman, and a frozen beer have in common
– Somewhere along the line someone forgot to pull it out

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