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Bean jokes in 2025

People have had enough of me eating beans and drinking Chinese tea without explaining why I’m doing so
“This has been happening for far too long” they said.

“This has been happening for fart oolong”, I replied.

My wife said she found a really good recipe for chili.
She told me that it only calls for 239 beans.

I asked her why such a precise number of beans.

She said because if it had one more it would be too farty.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?
– I’ve never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

What’s the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?
– Politicians won’t pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.

What do you call a historical bean?
– Jacobean.

What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon?
A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.

(Don’t be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.)

What did one bean say to the other?
– How you bean doing.

How do you discipline a coffee bean?
– You ground it.

I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per pot. I asked him, why? He said
– If I added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

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