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Bean jokes in 2025

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.
– Food for thot.

what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?
– Baked bean.

Why didn’t the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?
If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.

I apologize, it’s a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.

Why did the Irishman not add one more bean to his 239 bean soup?
– Because it would have been too farty.

Why couldn’t Jack, from Jack and the Beanstalk, go up to the castle in the sky anymore?
– He’s already bean there

What did the bean of coffee say to its wife?
– You are brew-ti-ful.

Everybody says that garbanzo beans and chickpeas are the same thing.
– But I’ve never paid $25 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

This is pretty tame for me, but i can see how it might offend some, hence the NSFW tag.

Why did Jack cross the road?
– Because he was bean stalked…..

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo bean?
– I’ve never paid 300 dollars to have a garbonzo bean on my face.

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