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Bean jokes in 2025

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?
– (Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

What’s the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?
– Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

What kind of beans can’t grow in a garden?
– Jelly beans.

Irish bean soup
(Read in an Irish accent for effect)

An Irish mam and her wee lad were sitting in the kitchen as she taught him to make her famous Irish bean soup.

“Now son,” she explained, “what really makes a bean soup is how many beans you use. More is better, but you must remember: never, NEVER put more than two-hundred-and-thirty-noin beans in the soup.”

The son is confused, “But Mam, why so specific? Why only two hundred and thirty noin?”

“Because,” she explains, “if ye add one more, it’ll be two-farty!”

A teenage girl falls pregnant…
Her mother is shocked and asks who the father of the baby is.

“Ma, if you ate a bowl of beans. Would you know which one made you fart?”

“Waiter, what kind of soup is this?”
“It’s bean soup, sir.”
“Never mind what it’s been, what is it now?”

The definition of an asparagus:
– A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

What do you call a bean that’s a zombie?
– A zom-bean.

I just realized today Jack and the Beanstalk is a communist story.
– It’s all about seizing the beans of production.

Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
– I haven’t paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed murder?
– It was sentenced to death by decaffeination

When I was a kid I had a penpal who lived in southeast Asia who worked in an athletic clothes sweatshop. I would send him gifts from America and he would send me different clothes he made at work. His name was Chen, but I called him Bean Burrito.
– Because he made me puma pants.

Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty-nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?
– Because if there were one more, it’d be too farty.

The three different life stages of a coffee bean: 1. still green at this, 2.bean there, done that, 3.has-bean.

What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans?
– Puss ‘n’ Toots!

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?
– Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?
– Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

What is your favorite pirate movie?
– Pirates of the Carib-bean.

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