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Bean jokes in 2025

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed murder?
– It was sentenced to death by decaffeination

When I was a kid I had a penpal who lived in southeast Asia who worked in an athletic clothes sweatshop. I would send him gifts from America and he would send me different clothes he made at work. His name was Chen, but I called him Bean Burrito.
– Because he made me puma pants.

Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty-nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?
– Because if there were one more, it’d be too farty.

The three different life stages of a coffee bean: 1. still green at this, 2.bean there, done that, 3.has-bean.

What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans?
– Puss ‘n’ Toots!

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?
– Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?
– Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

What is your favorite pirate movie?
– Pirates of the Carib-bean.

Mayonnaise
In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans, but the bulk of the shipment comprised of mayonnaise. You see, Mexicans love mayonnaise. That’s why when it happened on a sad day in May 5th, the whole mexican wept for the fallen sailors and the delicious products they were supposed to enjoy.

Since then, the day of mourning came to be: >!Sinko De Mayo!<

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he’s not worried.
– I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

Beans!
A group of beans were traveling around France…

They ended up in Cannes.

What’s the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a chick pea?
– Well I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my chest before

What do you call a bean that was previously famous?
– A “has bean”.

One of the patrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.
He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans.
Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes.
The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny’s mother and said, “Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?”
Jane replied, “Nothing new, why do you ask?” “Well,” said Mary, “this morning I bent over to feed the cat, and shot the canary!”

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant’s castle?
– He had *bean stalking* her.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
– There’s no video of Trump paying to have Russian garbanzo bean on him

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
– 239. Because one more would make it too farty

Where did the green bean go to have a few drinks?
– The salad bar!

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