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Bean jokes in 2025

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?
– Trump doesn’t have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

What vegetable can tie your shoes?
– String beans.

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
– 239. Because one more would make it too farty

Coffee is just bean tea!
– Just let that steep for a few minutes

A woman goes to the doctor…
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

“Doctor, I don’t fell so well.”

And the doctor replied

“Well for one thing, you’re *definitely* not eating correctly.”

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.
– Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

What do you call an athletic bean?
– A runner bean.

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?
– It uses Heinz sight.

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?
– Two-thirty-nine. One more and it’d be too farty

Whats the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?
– I wouldn’t pay $200 to have a lima bean on me.

What do you call a sunburnt vegan?
– A baked bean

What did the bean say to its friend who returned from a long holiday?
– You’ve bean gone forever! How have you bean?

At the end of the day, we are all human beans.
– And we will all rice up together.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?
– Because if you add even one more it gets “2 farty”.

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?
– Donald Trump wouldn’t let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

What kind of vegetable is jealous?
– A green bean!

What do you call mr bean if he was high
– A baked bean

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.
– Food for thot.

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