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Bean jokes in 2025

What do you get when you feed Goya beans to a Russian president?
– A Tootin’ Putin.

What do you call a bean that lives overseas?
– A broad bean.

What do you call a gay bean?
– A Les-bean

What did the green bean say to the corn that graduated from high school?
– Corn-gratulations.

If you find beans in a beanery and cans in a cannery….
– What do you find in a country?

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
– I wouldn’t pay $39 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
– A green bean.

What vegetable comes from outer space?
– Green beings.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
– I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

I saw a bean and a song sitting together at a bar.
– I could tell the song was quite drunk and was really chatting up the bean.

The song said, “Hey there, bean. I *like* you beans because you’re the *musical* fruit. But I’ll tell you I cannot *stand* garbanzo beans. We songs wish to be *sung!* Those damn garbanzo beans only hummus.”

How many beans are in Irish Chili?
– 239, because if there was 1 more it would be “Too Farty”.

There’s been a rumor going around recently that Rowan Atkinson can’t please his wife
– Apparently he missed her bean

What do you call executive peas?
– VI-Peas.

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: “I’ll ask you a question.​If you can’t answer correctly, you’ll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can’t answer correctly, I’ll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
r>Einstein says: Okay, it’s your turn.

Mr. Bean asks: What’s an animal that has four legs, but when it’s crossing a street, it has three legs and when it’s on the other side of the street, it has only two?

Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.

Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*

Einstein asks: What is it?

Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

Why should you always invest into the bean market?
– The stalks can only go up

What did one green bean say to the other green bean?
“How ya bean?”

What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?

“How ya dune?”

What did the green bean say to the sand dune?

“How ya bean dune?”

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
– I wouldn’t let a garbanzo bean on me.

What did the green bean have to pass to get its license?
– The salad bar.

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