Bean jokes in 2025

What is your favorite pirate movie?
– Pirates of the Carib-bean.

Mayonnaise
In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans, but the bulk of the shipment comprised of mayonnaise. You see, Mexicans love mayonnaise. That’s why when it happened on a sad day in May 5th, the whole mexican wept for the fallen sailors and the delicious products they were supposed to enjoy.

Since then, the day of mourning came to be: >!Sinko De Mayo!<

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he’s not worried.
– I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant’s castle?
– He had *bean stalking* her.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
– There’s no video of Trump paying to have Russian garbanzo bean on him

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
– 239. Because one more would make it too farty

What do you call a bean that was previously famous?
– A “has bean”.

One of the patrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.
He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans.
Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes.
The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny’s mother and said, “Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?”
Jane replied, “Nothing new, why do you ask?” “Well,” said Mary, “this morning I bent over to feed the cat, and shot the canary!”

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
– Teargas

What’s the difference between a green bean and a chickpea?
– I wouldn’t pay $50 to see a green bean.

Where did the green bean go to have a few drinks?
– The salad bar!

The jelly bean went to school
– because it wanted to be a smartie.

Mr. Bean’s first name
– Fun Fact : Mr. Bean’s first name is Mr. As seen on his passport in the movie.

What’s the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea?
– Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: “I’ll ask you a question.​If you can’t answer correctly, you’ll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can’t answer correctly, I’ll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.

Einstein says: Okay, it’s your turn.

Mr. Bean asks: What’s an animal that has four legs, but when it’s crossing a street, it has three legs and when it’s on the other side of the street, it has only two?

Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.

Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*

Einstein asks: What is it?

Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

What holiday do green beans like most? St. Patrick’s Day
– because they fit right in!

When I was a kid I had a penpal who lived in southeast Asia who worked in an athletic clothes sweatshop. I would – send him gifts from America and he would send me different clothes he made at work. His name was Chen, but I called him Bean Burrito.
– Because he made me puma pants.

I onece visited the Heinz Beans factory
– It was a very uncanny experience