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Bean jokes in 2025

What do you call executive peas?
– VI-Peas.

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: “I’ll ask you a question.​If you can’t answer correctly, you’ll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can’t answer correctly, I’ll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
r>Einstein says: Okay, it’s your turn.

Mr. Bean asks: What’s an animal that has four legs, but when it’s crossing a street, it has three legs and when it’s on the other side of the street, it has only two?

Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.

Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*

Einstein asks: What is it?

Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

Why should you always invest into the bean market?
– The stalks can only go up

What did one green bean say to the other green bean?
“How ya bean?”

What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?

“How ya dune?”

What did the green bean say to the sand dune?

“How ya bean dune?”

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
– I wouldn’t let a garbanzo bean on me.

What did the green bean have to pass to get its license?
– The salad bar.

I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per pot. I asked him, why? He said
– If I added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?
– A green bean.

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?
– Trump doesn’t have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

What vegetable can tie your shoes?
– String beans.

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
– 239. Because one more would make it too farty

Coffee is just bean tea!
– Just let that steep for a few minutes

A woman goes to the doctor…
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

“Doctor, I don’t fell so well.”

And the doctor replied

“Well for one thing, you’re *definitely* not eating correctly.”

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.
– Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

What do you call an athletic bean?
– A runner bean.

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?
– It uses Heinz sight.

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?
– Two-thirty-nine. One more and it’d be too farty

Whats the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?
– I wouldn’t pay $200 to have a lima bean on me.

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