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Bean jokes in 2025

Coffee is just bean tea!
– Just let that steep for a few minutes

A woman goes to the doctor…
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

“Doctor, I don’t fell so well.”

And the doctor replied

“Well for one thing, you’re *definitely* not eating correctly.”

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.
– Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

What do you call an athletic bean?
– A runner bean.

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?
– It uses Heinz sight.

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?
– Two-thirty-nine. One more and it’d be too farty

Whats the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?
– I wouldn’t pay $200 to have a lima bean on me.

What do you call a sunburnt vegan?
– A baked bean

What did the bean say to its friend who returned from a long holiday?
– You’ve bean gone forever! How have you bean?

At the end of the day, we are all human beans.
– And we will all rice up together.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?
– Because if you add even one more it gets “2 farty”.

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?
– Donald Trump wouldn’t let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

What kind of vegetable is jealous?
– A green bean!

What do you call mr bean if he was high
– A baked bean

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.
– Food for thot.

what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?
– Baked bean.

Why didn’t the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?
If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.

I apologize, it’s a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.

Why did the Irishman not add one more bean to his 239 bean soup?
– Because it would have been too farty.

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