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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells,
– “Hey!”The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

An underage weasel walks into a bar.
– The bartender says, “I’m sorry. I can’t serve underage weasels.”

The weasel says, “That’s fine. I don’t need something alcoholic. What else do you have?”

The bartender says “Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

A new law
– Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. “What brings you guys in today?” the bartender asks. “I guess you haven’t heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week,” one of the guys answers the bartender. “Well it’s not a law really,” the other guy corrects him. “It’s more of a mandate.”

A guy walked into a bar and told the bartender, “Man I need to get laid in the worst way!”
– The bartender replied, “Well the worst way I know of is standing up in a hammock.”

Two guys walk into a bar,
– the third one ducked.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar…..
– The bartender says ” Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here”.

Guy goes into a bar
– A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”

The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.”

The bartender says, “What do you have?”

The guy says, “Only 75 cents.”

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar
– The bartender says, You can stay, but don’t start anything .

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend…
– But he kept asking her for another shot.

Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says
– “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you’ve ever seen…
– “Give me two shots of Jack Daniels,” he says to the bartender. “One for me, and one for you.”

“You know I don’t drink on the job,” the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, “And that’s why I like you better than my barber.”

A guy runs into a bar says to the bartender
– “Quick! Give me 50 shots of your best whiskey!”

I told the bartender I wanted a double…
…and he brought out a guy that looks just like me.

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk not a bar.
– No joke.

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says “what’s your story?” Caveman says…
– Bear with me…

A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel attached to his pants. The bartender asks him, “What’s with the wheel?”
– The pirate responds, “Arrrggh, it’s driving me nuts.”

A horse walks into a bar.
– The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don’t think I am”~~ “I think not!” POOF! The horse disappears.

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