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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

An infinite number of people walk into a bar…
– The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer…

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

But is it murder?
– A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Hey look at those birds outside,” the bartender comments to him. “Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?” “Well you can’t be sure that’s a murder,” the detective says. “Unless there is probable caws.”

– The drunk on the next stool turn angrily and says “Be careful. You are speaking about the woman I love.”

Two guys walk into a bar.
– The third one ducks.

A horse walks into a bar…
– “Why the long face?” asks the bartender…
The horse replies, “I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City.”

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
– The guy asks “what’s this about?”. the bartender replies, “well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?” The guy replies, “No thanks, the steaks are too high.”

A bartender yells “Does anyone know CPR?”
– “Hell I know the whole alphabet!” I shouted.

The Easter Bunny walks into a bar. The Bartender says, “I suppose you want a White Rabbit.” The Easter Bunny says,
– “I don’t care, just give me something hoppy.”

Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar?
– Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

A Guy walks into a bar
– A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man “When are you going to pay for these beers?” The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

A horse walks into a bar.
– The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don’t think I am”~~ “I think not!” POOF! The horse disappears.

A baby seal walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?”
– The baby seal answers, “Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks.”

A woman holding a duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?
– ” The woman responds, “It’s not a pig, it’s a duck.” The bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”

A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?
– ” The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”

The bartender said we don’t serve time travellers.
– Two men walk into a bar.

Wine
– A gal walks into a bar and orders a bottle of wine. After she downs most of the bottle she tries to get the bartender’s attention. “I used to be grapes!” she announces loudly. “What?” the confused bartender asks. “I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “That must have been the wine talking.”

A cowboy walks into a bar. “What can I get for you?” the bartender asks. “A double whiskey, neat,” he replies.
– As the bartender pours, she asks, “How’s it going today?”

A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please,
– but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.” The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”

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