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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.
– “What’ll it be?” The bartender asks.

“I’ll have a beer,” the etymologist says. “A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning “to drink”.

“I’ll have an Americano,” the entomologist says. “It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!”

The bartender gets them their drinks. “And for you, sir?” he asks the third man.

“I’m just wondering how I got here,” the etiologist replies.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit “what’ll ya have?” The rabbit replies,
– “I dunno… I’m just here because of autocorrect.”

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
– “Because…He’s my newt.

Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.
– ” The other snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar…
– … and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: “What did you use to make the ice cubes?”

Bartender: “Water.”

Ramsay: “Fresh?”

Bartender: “No, frozen.”

Ramsay: “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?”
– “Yeah. But today is the last day…”

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name…
– …and you’ve never been to that bar before.

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says,
– “Why the short face?”

A dog walks into a bar
– The dog says, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender says, “Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!” The dog says, “They’re hiring electricians at the circus?”

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face?
– Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don’t have stable income.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck under his hat…
– The bartender says “what’s up with the paper towel under your hat?”

The pirate replied “Arrgh, there be a Bounty on me head!”

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
– It was tense.

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

A horse walks into a bar and requests “Hello, I’d like some anthropomorphization please”
– The bartender replies: “I think you’ve had enough already”

A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. “Long day?” the bartender asks.
– “No, all days are 24 hours long” the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

At a wedding reception, the best man said, ‘would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.’
– The poor bartender was crushed to death.

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