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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

A guy walked into a bar and told the bartender, “Man I need to get laid in the worst way!”
– The bartender replied, “Well the worst way I know of is standing up in a hammock.”

Two guys walk into a bar,
– the third one ducked.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar…..
– The bartender says ” Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here”.

Guy goes into a bar
– A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”

The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.”

The bartender says, “What do you have?”

The guy says, “Only 75 cents.”

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar
– The bartender says, You can stay, but don’t start anything .

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend…
– But he kept asking her for another shot.

Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says
– “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you’ve ever seen…
– “Give me two shots of Jack Daniels,” he says to the bartender. “One for me, and one for you.”

“You know I don’t drink on the job,” the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, “And that’s why I like you better than my barber.”

A guy runs into a bar says to the bartender
– “Quick! Give me 50 shots of your best whiskey!”

I told the bartender I wanted a double…
…and he brought out a guy that looks just like me.

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk not a bar.
– No joke.

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says “what’s your story?” Caveman says…
– Bear with me…

A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel attached to his pants. The bartender asks him, “What’s with the wheel?”
– The pirate responds, “Arrrggh, it’s driving me nuts.”

A horse walks into a bar.
– The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don’t think I am”~~ “I think not!” POOF! The horse disappears.

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
– and ordered a drink.

Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender.

Just call me Hoff, the actor replied.

Sure, the bartender said, no hassle.

Bono and The Edge walked into a Irish bar and the bartender said…
– Oh no, not U2 again

Homer Simpson takes his yellow, spiky-haired son to a bar. The bartender pulls up a shotgun and aims it at the boy.
– I regret saying this, but the bartender lives up to his name.

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