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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

I asked my bartender if he had ever tried putting sliced oranges in a beer.
– He replied, “Once in a blue moon.”

C, E flat and G walk into a bar.
– They ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve minors here”. E flat walks out while C and G have a fifth between the two of them.

The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.” The second scientist died .

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
– He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?

And the man replies Because he’s my newt!

Pick a super power
– A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and starts chatting the bartender up. “If you could have any superpower which one would you want?” he asks the bartender. “Cold war Russia, I guess,” the bartender replies.

A guy says to the bartender “Give me something tall, cold and full of gin.”

So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
– “Hey. This is a singles bar.”

Snake walks into a bar.
– And the bartender says ”How did you do that?”

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he’s an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
– I don’t think I am. the horse replies.

*poof*

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they’re familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .

But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

a marketing mistake
– A small business owner walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How’s business?” the bartender asks. “Horrible. We had quite a fiasco this week. I had a shipment come in containing 100 high-quality T-shirts that featured a glow-in-the-dark design of a 100 dollar bill on the front. They looked really cool in the catalog when we ordered them, but we didn’t sell a single one all week,” the business owner complains. “I guess it’s true. Money doesn’t glow on T’s. “

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks “why the long face?”
– Horse replies, “The bank denied my home loan because I don’t have stable income.”

My bartender is rather forgetful He can remember that my first name is “Al” just fine,
– but I have no idea how he keeps mixing up “Smith” with “Coholic”.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks,
– “Is the bar tender here?”

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
– Bartender says, “We don’t do jokes in here.”

The chicken says, “Come on guys I know a place across the street.”

A Native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar.
– The bartender walks over and says, “Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?”

How to find a woman
– A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Intelligence is the first thing I look for in a woman,” he tells the bartender. “Because if she doesn’t have that I just might have a chance.”

A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman says,
– “Have you been served?”

An infinite number of people walk into a bar…
– The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer…

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

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