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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

Guy runs into a bar, yells “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
– Bartender says “Three feet tall.”

Guy says “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
– The bartender says “What can I get you Mr. President?”

2 blondes, 2 brunettes, and 2 redheads walk into a bar. The 2 blondes say “hello” to the bartender…
– The 4 Non Blondes say “WHAT’S GOING ON!”

The drunk on the next stool turn angrily and says “Be careful. You are speaking about the woman I love.”
– “What can I get you Senators?”

ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says,
– “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.
– He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he’s in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, “What’s wrong, pal? You look down.”
– The guy sighs and says, “I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn’t talk to me for a whole month.”

The bartender says, “Gee, that’s too bad. When does that start?”

“Start? Today’s the last day.”

what kind of drink does the genie bartender serve?
– a djinn and tonic

A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. “What, do you expect me to spread my legs now?”
– says the wife. The husband responds, “Honey, I love you, but I think a vase will work just fine.”

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.
– He asks for one beer, and one for the road.

So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.
– The bartender asks, “What’s less?” The guy says “I don’t know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it.”

The bartender says “No time travelers allowed in this bar”
– Two time travelers walk into a bar

A drunk in a bar is unloading on the bartender.
– “For 20 long and wonderful years,” mused the gent at the bar, “my wife and I were deliriously happy.”

A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
– A time traveler walks in a bar…

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced…
– My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!

What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.

Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’

A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
– The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the hell did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!

The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them

The bartender yelled at me when I left my stool at the bar.
– “Why did you even bring this in here?!?” he cried.

A dog limps into a bar
– The bartender says “What can I get you?” The dog says “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

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