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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

Homer Simpson takes his yellow, spiky-haired son to a bar. The bartender pulls up a shotgun and aims it at the boy.
– I regret saying this, but the bartender lives up to his name.

The bartender says “Okay,
– but don’t start anything.”

An ego and a superego walk into a bar.
– The bartender says “I’ll have to see some id”

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.
– The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .

The rabbit says I have no idea, I’m only here because of autocorrect .

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” Original joke replies…
– “Don’t worry. Within a week or two, I’ll be a regular here!”

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks ”Do all of you want a drink?”
– The first logician says ”I don’t know”

The second logician says ”I don’t know”

The third logician says ”Yes!”

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says,
– “I’ll have an H2O please”

A girl walks into a bar.
– Says to the bartender, “I’d like a double entendre, please.”

So he gives it to her.

– The drunk on the next stool turn angrily and says “Be careful. You are speaking about the woman I love.”

Jesus becomes a bartender. Man says hey you SOB I ordered a beer but you just gave me water.
– I told you I could turn water into whine.

A termite walks into a bar and says,
– “Is the bar tender here?”

So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar..
– The bartender says, “Hey Jesus”

Recently got a second job as a bartender at a stripclub.
– Ive never worked so hard before in my life.

apples
– A doctor walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Hey doc, I’ve always wondered … is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” the bartender asks. “Or is it just one of Granny’s myths?”

A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks “What’s with the paper towel?”
– The pirate says “Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!”

Three fonts walk into a bar.
– The bartender looks up andsays, “We don’t serve your type in here.”

A guy walks into the bar and looks the bartender in the eye and says “I need 10 shots”

The bartender lays them out and the man takes all 10 shots back to back.

In shock the bartender says, “I’ve never seen anyone drink like that before.”

The man replies, “You’d drink like that too if you had what I had.”

Sounding concerned, the bartender asks “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, what do you have?”

Man quickly says “2 bucks” and ran out of the bar.

A drunk man
– A drunk man stumbles out of bar and runs into 2 priest. The drunk man looks at the 1st priest and says,

“Hey, I’m Jesus Christ.”

The 1st priest tells the man, “No, my son, you’re not.”

Then the man turns to the 2nd priest and says the same thing. “Hey, I’m Jesus Christ.”

The 2nd priest tells the man, “No, my son, you’re not.”

The drunk man tells the priests that he can prove it. So he takes the 2 priests into the bar and the bartender says,

“Jesus Christ. You’re back again?”

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