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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
– The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says “sort it out yourselves.”

E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says,
– “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar
– Bartender says “What can I get you Mr. President?”

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
– The bartender says You know, you’re in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don’t think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.

See this was a joke about Descarte’s famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.
– The bartender asks what is the occasion.

The man replies ‘his first blowjob’

The bartender congrats him and offers to buy him another shot

The man says that is unnecessary, if ten shots doesn’t get the taste out of his mouth, one more won’t make a difference.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks “Are you having beer?”
– He replies “i think not.” And instantly disappears.

A guy says to the bartender “Give me something tall, cold and full of gin.”

So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
– “Hey. This is a singles bar.”

Snake walks into a bar.
– And the bartender says ”How did you do that?”

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he’s an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
– I don’t think I am. the horse replies.

*poof*

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they’re familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .

But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

a marketing mistake
– A small business owner walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How’s business?” the bartender asks. “Horrible. We had quite a fiasco this week. I had a shipment come in containing 100 high-quality T-shirts that featured a glow-in-the-dark design of a 100 dollar bill on the front. They looked really cool in the catalog when we ordered them, but we didn’t sell a single one all week,” the business owner complains. “I guess it’s true. Money doesn’t glow on T’s. “

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks “why the long face?”
– Horse replies, “The bank denied my home loan because I don’t have stable income.”

My bartender is rather forgetful He can remember that my first name is “Al” just fine,
– but I have no idea how he keeps mixing up “Smith” with “Coholic”.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks,
– “Is the bar tender here?”

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
– Bartender says, “We don’t do jokes in here.”

The chicken says, “Come on guys I know a place across the street.”

A Native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar.
– The bartender walks over and says, “Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?”

How to find a woman
– A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Intelligence is the first thing I look for in a woman,” he tells the bartender. “Because if she doesn’t have that I just might have a chance.”

A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman says,
– “Have you been served?”

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