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Bartender jokes 🍹🍸 in 2025

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
– The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says “sort it out yourselves.”

E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says,
– “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar
– Bartender says “What can I get you Mr. President?”

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
– The bartender says You know, you’re in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don’t think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.

See this was a joke about Descarte’s famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.
– The bartender asks what is the occasion.

The man replies ‘his first blowjob’

The bartender congrats him and offers to buy him another shot

The man says that is unnecessary, if ten shots doesn’t get the taste out of his mouth, one more won’t make a difference.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks “Are you having beer?”
– He replies “i think not.” And instantly disappears.

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” Original joke replies…
– “Don’t worry. Within a week or two, I’ll be a regular here!”

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks ”Do all of you want a drink?”
– The first logician says ”I don’t know”

The second logician says ”I don’t know”

The third logician says ”Yes!”

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says,
– “I’ll have an H2O please”

A girl walks into a bar.
– Says to the bartender, “I’d like a double entendre, please.”

So he gives it to her.

– The drunk on the next stool turn angrily and says “Be careful. You are speaking about the woman I love.”

Jesus becomes a bartender. Man says hey you SOB I ordered a beer but you just gave me water.
– I told you I could turn water into whine.

A termite walks into a bar and says,
– “Is the bar tender here?”

So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar..
– The bartender says, “Hey Jesus”

Recently got a second job as a bartender at a stripclub.
– Ive never worked so hard before in my life.

apples
– A doctor walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Hey doc, I’ve always wondered … is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” the bartender asks. “Or is it just one of Granny’s myths?”

A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks “What’s with the paper towel?”
– The pirate says “Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!”

Three fonts walk into a bar.
– The bartender looks up andsays, “We don’t serve your type in here.”

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