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Bank jokes 🏦💰🏧 in 2025

Did you hear about an ATM that got addicted to money?
– Heard it was suffering from withdrawals.

Why did the teller lose his job at the bank?
– An old lady asked him to check her balance so he tipped her over.

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, “My door is always open”.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

What type of money do crabs pay their bills with?
– Sand dollars.

What would you call it if a bunch of crows started gathering money?
– It’d be called Crowdfunding.

People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.
– But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don’t get to go on.

Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.

Why did the one student swallow all her pennies?
– It’s because the teacher told her that she needed more cents.

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?
– Passive incum

Why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?
– To check his balance.

There’s nothing I’ve learned from being a parent that I couldn’t just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

Where did the frog put his money?
– It’s in the river bank.

How do you make money in a dog exercising business?
– It should be a walk in the park.

Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
– He did not have the guts.

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.

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