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Bank jokes 🏦💰🏧 in 2024

What would a stockbroker say to another stockbroker when they wanted the other person to stop talking?
– They’d probably say, “Put a stock in it”.

2 lawyers were stood in a queue at a bank. As they were chatting, some masked robbers came in to the bank and demanded everyone hands over their wallets.
– The first lawyer calmly takes his wallet out of his pocket, takes $1000 out of his wallet and hands it to the second lawyer and says “here you go, this is that $1000 I owe you”

What’s the hardest part about being addicted to banking?
– The withdrawals.

Why is money called dough?
– Because we all knead it.

What would you call it if you crossed a millionaire with a sorceress?
– Ms Richie Witch.

What would you name it if you took an exam about bad puns on how to scam money from people?
– It’d be called a pun-ching con-test.

When does it rain money?
– When there is a “change” in the weather.

If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.

Why didn’t the cows have any money?
– It’s because the farmers usually milk them dry.

A fit naked woman robbed a bank…
– Nobody could remember her face.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
– They’re really good at saving.

Nothing says’ I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own

“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” said the IRS auditor

What would you call a man that had a head full of change?
– He’d probably be called Headquarters.

So our local sperm bank got shut down
– Turns out it was just some old pervert who set up a glory hole.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?
– Started its own branch.
Always borrow money from a pessimist,
He won’t expect it back.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
– He wanted cold hard cash!

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