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Bank jokes 🏦💰🏧 in 2024

What do you call when you cross a banker and a fish?
– A loan shark.

I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I can’t afford.

What ad did the safe company display on their billboard?
– “If your things get stolen, well it’s not our vault.”

Why did the man get caught just for accidentally dropping some money inside his washing machine?
– Probably because the police thought that he was laundering money.

The employees at my bank are soo nice these days!
– Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.
– Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.

How can you get rich by eating?
– Eat fortune cookies.

How much money do professional ice skaters usually make in a year?
– They make eight figures but they, unfortunately, can’t access that because all their accounts are frozen.

What do you call a man with a head full of change?
– Headquarters.

Personal financing is very…INTERESTing

Why shouldn’t you ask for money from the leprechauns?
– It’s because they can never help. They are always a little short.

Ordered something from the Sperm Bank…..
– Sadly, it never came.

Why did the old man take raisins to the bank?
– He wanted to set up a current account.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.

How did the dinosaur pay his bill at the restaurant?
– With Tyrannosaurus checks!

What would you say if you became exhausted filling forms and calculating the amount of money you had to pay to your country?
– It had been a taxing day.

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.
– A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

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