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Baby Jokes 👶 in 2024

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
-Depends on how hard you throw them.

How did the baby tell her mom she had a wet diaper?
-She sent her a pee-mail.

How do you get an astronaut’s baby to sleep?
-You rocket.

Why did the baby cry at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5 a.m.?
-Why not?

How did it work out for the lady who had a sea section?
-She gave birth to a bouncing baby buoy.

When do parents change the most baby diapers?
-In the wee wee hours.

How did the baby almost get her and her mom kicked out of the crowded theater?
-She yelled, “pacifier!”

Jake: “My mom is having a new baby.”
-Joy: “What’s wrong with the old one?”

What do you call a cow that had a baby?
-De-calf-inated.

What rapper can babies not get enough of?”
– Childish Gambino

Why are babies called bundles of joys?
– When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

The nurse told the parents of a newborn, “You have a cute baby.”
The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all the new parents.”
“No,” she replied. “Just to those whose babies really are good-looking.”
-The husband asked, “So, what do you say to the others?”
The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”

Mrs. Goat: “Honey, we’re going to have a baby!”
– Mr. Goat: “You’re kidding.”

The moment baby falls asleep…
– The phone rings, the siblings fight, the door slams, and the dogs bark. Never fails!

Why did the man bring his pregnant wife a small lizard?
-She told him to pick up a baby monitor.

Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato, and Baby Tomato are walking down the road.
Baby Tomato starts to lag behind.
-Papa Tomato becomes angry, goes up to Baby Tomato, squeezes him, and says, “Catch up!”

What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
-Use more lube.

Did you know you can get a wooden car seat?
-It comes with a sign that says, “Baby on Board.”

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