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Anti jokes in 2025

I’m on a seafood diet.
– It’s going to be really tough for me — I lost a bet to a friend, and the problem is I am a vegetarian.

What’s brown and sticky?
– A stick.

What’s one thing you can do over and over again and not remember a single thing?
– Drink alcohol.

What did one Japanese man say to the other Japanese man?
– I do not know; I don’t speak Japanese.

Take your age and add five to it.
– That’s your age in five years.

Why did the man have a nosebleed?
– Because he got punched in the face.

I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
– She looked surprised.

I broke my finger last week.
– On the other hand, I’m OK.

What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
– A zebra.

What do you get when you mix a goat and a sheep?
– A geep.

Why did the mouse eat the cookie?
– Because he was hungry.

Why did the girl drop her ice cream cone?
– She tripped over a pothole.

How tall is the Empire State Building?
– One Empire State Building tall.

What do you call a talking turtle?
– A cartoon.

A guy walks into a bar.
-Then he gets a drink and leaves.

Roses are dead.
– Violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
– The horse, incapable of reason and understanding human language, shits on the floor and walks back out the bar door.

What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home?
– A pigeon.

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