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Alligator jokes 🐊 in 2025

What do you call an alligator that takes a rest
– A lying crocodile

What do alligators drink before playing baseball?
– Gator-ade.

What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
– A crocodile.

Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?
– Most only have 4

An Ethiopian fell into an alligator pen at San Diego zoo
– He ate 5 before they could get him out.

Why shouldn’t you play cards with a alligator?
– You’ll lose each hand.

Alligators can grow up to fifteen feet.
– They usually just grow 4 of them though.

Some people like to play croc-quet.

Two redneck guys were sitting on a dock in Georgia, drinking beer and fishing with their feet dangling in the water.
– One guy said, “Oh no. An alligator just bit one of my feet off.” The other guy said, “Which one?” And the first guy said, “How should I know? All the alligators look alike.”

An alligator decided to have unprotected sex…
– Now he has Gatorades.

What type of floor do alligators install in their bathrooms?
– Rep-tiles.

Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
– He had a reptile dysfunction.

I was going to have alligator for dinner,
– But then I realised I only had a croc pot!

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons.
“If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave them there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?”

The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.

After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and taps the alligator’s head. The alligator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals, without a scratch on them, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

“Anyone else have the guts to try?” The man dares the crowd.

After a few seconds, a drunk says, “I’ll do it, just don’t tap my head with a bottle.”

What’s the difference between a dog and a alligator?
– The dog’s bark is worst than his bite…

Why are alligators long and green?
– Because if they were short and green, they would be leprachuans.

What has 100 eyes and 2 teeth ?
– A tour bus full of old people.

Alligator Boots
– One day A Ranger decided he wanted to get himself some gator boots, and being a Ranger he wasn’t about to go to a store for some. Instead he goes out to the bayou to find a gator to make himself some shoes.
So he comes across a local man and asks him where he can find a gator. The man gives him directions and tells him to keep an eye out for some marines who had gone in a few days ago and should’ve been back by now.

So the Ranger goes into the bayou and sure enough he sees two Marines standing waist high in the water. He looks over and sees the shore littered with dead gators.
Then a gator swims up and lunges at the marines, who jump on it and go wild, killing it. After it’s dead they pull it to the shore and flip it over, checking it’s feet. “Darn it this one ain’t got no boots either

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